Trigger warning: Sexual Assault
About two months ago I was sexually assaulted. This is not a sharing for pity or messages asking me if I’m okay so please don’t. This is more of a reminder of what people who look like me or identify as me go through.
Long story short this person that assaulted me continues to harass me to this day and reach out to me weekly. Yes I’ve blocked him, no I will not change my number again. However yesterday when he reached out his reasonings and responses inclined me to share.
With everything going on in my life in that moment I chose not to say anything to people I knew due to not being listened to before. I hid it from the person I thought of as my partner, my best friends and my siblings until last night. I shared it with my roommate.
And it might sound crazy, how could you not want to share something horrific that just happened to you.. but going from hanging out eating food to being forced into multiple sexual activities I did not consent to, was extremely traumatizing for me. So traumatizing I thought it would just disappear on its own so I acted like it did. I went to work, and continued on my life trying to pick up all the pieces, just trying to put myself back together I guess… For it to only get worse due to the contact this person continues to try to make with me despite my wants.
Not only that but to hear this person crying saying how much they missed me.( I picked up not knowing the number ) Just disgusted me so much.
Being a trans brown guy from Brooklyn, knowing that this person is involved in gang shit, knowing that if I say anything I could risk my life. Is some scary shit. It makes you wonder if your sanity and your well being is all worth it. If that 20 minute “beautiful” experience this person had is worth being scared to go home at night for the rest of my life.
But after I read that it all happened because I was their “type”. That they still “don’t hate me even though you’re putting me through all of this” that “you’re so cute I just wanna show you who I really am sweetie cake” I knew there was something I had to do about it .
I guess sharing was my first step.
Victims shouldn’t be afraid of sharing their story nor should we feel like burdens.
If someone says no it’s no.
If you or anyone you know has been a victim of sexual assault call
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is the nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. RAINN created and operates the National Sexual Assault Hotline (800.656.HOPE, online.rainn.org y rainn.org/es) in partnership with more than 1,000 local sexual assault service providers across the country and operates the DoD Safe Helpline for the Department of Defense. RAINN also carries out programs to prevent sexual violence, help survivors, and ensure that perpetrators are brought to justice.
Visit rainn at www.rainn.org